Me. At least after what I've been through.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You've changed since you got that strap on
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize