Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
third nipple confirmed
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
