I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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