she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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