I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
