Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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