what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
