I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
