WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
