I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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