I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
they're like a gay fantastic four
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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