I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
