I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How does one acquire holy water?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
