Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
