I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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