I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize