thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
