Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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