he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
