fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
