Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
