Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
false alarm. still invincible.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
