im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
