So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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