Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
