Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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