My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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