They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
