No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
