chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
