he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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