this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
