Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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