Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
