We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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