I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
