Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
smell my finger.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
