well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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