It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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