Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
