Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
just found out that she named her cat after me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
