If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize