I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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