sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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