well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
