If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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