Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize