The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we're making bets on your personal life
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
