Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
