Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
