What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
