There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
