There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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