I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
