my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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