we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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