Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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