I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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