i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
