I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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