Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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