hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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