I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
