Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
