oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
