$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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