So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
