Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
