Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
