So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
