Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He shit in the fireplace
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
