I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
