My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
