Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
