carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
