Small penises have feelings too.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
