The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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