I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I will be naked everywhere
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
