we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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