How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
