I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
