omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Welp...herpes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
