he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
