We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
