Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
