you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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