forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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