we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize