Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She needs sedatives and a leash
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
