Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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