I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
