I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
