I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
