Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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