At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
