Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
