Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
