You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
