he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
