Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
