dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
