I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize