The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
