Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
and she was petting her beer can
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
