He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
