being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
