Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
